With the Netherlands-Brazil football victory hysteria rattling otherwise sane skulls in this Orange Country and my upcoming trip to the sweltering heats of Asia buzzing through my head I put one and one together and contemplated succumbing to … The Brazilian Wax. Yes I did. Two events crossed paths, seemingly unrelated, and yet this is what my genius brain concocted. Correction: Not only concocted, for I have been obsessed with the idea of having a worthy Brazilian Wax practitioner perform some Beasty Brazilian Business on my unsuspecting privates since this epiphany hit me. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.
The thing about Brazilian Waxes is: We all know of its existence and somewhere out there somebody is having one done as I write and someone is giving one as you read (sort of like voodoo). I’ve read about supermodels having it done (hah, indeed beauty comes with an agonizing price), I know it comes from Brazil; the country of mini thonged bootyshakers and swimwear of microscopic proportions. And finally, I know most of my girlfriends, including myself, fret about WHAT TO DO with our hairy punanis. Admitted; this might be a bit of an oddity considering hairy boxes have been happily wandering this planet for over 200.000 years and apparently been wanted in all sorts of variations considering they’re still amongst us.
So YES! We acknowledge hair down under has been around forever and ever. In fact come to think of it, imagine the horror of our prehistoric ape-sisters! Imagine the confusion of where to begin this impossible task. Imagine – say if she were to succeed – an apewoman with a smooth-as-silk box on an otherwise fuzzy-as-furby bod! Imagine my amusement when I found out this trail of thought is far from alien!
We understand the function of our good ol’ pubes. But do we really? Ever talked about this in biology class? “Who can tell me the function of pubic hair?” the teacher asked. One quivering finger goes up “ Ermm.. warmth?” . Another brave finger votes for “increased crack protection”. Does any of this sound familiar? Frankly, I can’t remember the last time I had a cold box and I’m pretty sure my inner thighs and undies provide sufficient protection! And we sure as hell understand removing it ain’t keeping it from coming back!
But nevertheless, a girl is free to indulge in the divine fantasy of never endeavor land where the (semi)hairless box is a constant fact and She rules all there is to rule. So I pondered some more and the more I did, the more placidly and evenly both my dread and enchantment grew. Almost like synchronized swimmers I would say (they wax too, you know). Now what does a gal do when she stands upon a diving board which flips up and down above an abyss of what could potentially be the worst boxing match a box can go through after giving birth? Correct; she sends her girlfriends an email telling them of her somewhat heroic intention and in the sweetest tone and smartest choice of words she tries to sway at least one of them into leaping into the great unknown with her (No, no after you!) A freaky yet alluring proposal. Not unlike the bird of paradise’s mating dance, come to think of it.
Down to hard facts; the words uttered were: “Hello girls, ever wondered how a Brazilian Wax could tantalize your senses? I’m totally contemplating it as I don’t want to be thinking about hair removal while backpacking in Asia. Frankly I’m a little scared but I can’t resist the inexperienced experience and would just like to check it out. Costs: 25 euro’s. So who’s in for a session of masochism? 😉 xx” I waited a bit and waited a bit more and then the responses of these wonderful girls, who shall remain anonymous, started trickling in:
#1 “hahahaha… is that completely bald or a strip of hair?”
#2 “I don’t really have the guts either, I always wax my bikini line but as for the rest down under I shave it. Let me know what you’re doing, ofcourse I don’t mind coming along to offer some psychological support 🙂 xx”
#3: “Ouch, no way! I like a few hairs :P”
This was a week ago and I’m still waiting for response from the hairiest of the bunch but from the above we can already tell: the proposition ain’t so hot..
So where does this all leave me? I’ll tell ya in the next episode The Brazilian Wax II. Stay tuned!